Tonight's blog is called "Feelings" because I am feeling so many different things tonight and have been all last week leading up the what will be the first complex exam this Tuesday!
I am anxious, nervous, scared to death, tearful, angry (not sure why about this one), etc! I alter between feeling really prepared one minute to underprepared the next. One second I feel confident and the next second I don't. I was sitting there studying and all of the sudden stood up and started crying for no immediate reason. So far, Complex Care has gotten the best of me and has forced me to bring up a million "what if" questions. What if I fail this test? What if I fail this test and then have trouble bringing my average up to passing? What if I have to wait until next fall to re-take the class? I wouldn't call this negative thinking, but instead I think of it as anxiety. When I really take a second to think about it (which is hard for me to do right now), I realize that all of these thoughts are more on the unrealistic side especially for someone who has done very well in nursing school up to this point. But even when I can get to that point in my thinking, my anxiety has taken a 5 minute break and comes back saying "IT COULD STILL HAPPEN TO YOU!"
This blog is not intended to scare you away, but rather be honest with you about every aspect of nursing school. It is only the beginning of week 5 and I feel stressed, tired, worn out, and beaten down by nursing school. This semester feels like it is never going to end but naturally time keeps ticking by and assignment and test date are drawing nearer and nearer. How are we going to get all this done? I really cannot tell you how but we always somehow find a way.
I would love to go to the gym and sprint it all off on the treadmill but darn Planet Fitness closes at 7pm on Sunday. Ugh that is inconvenient. Tomorrow is the day before the exam and while I probably should leave the apartment for a break, I probably won't because I will feel the need to continuously review and review the stuff that I know pretty well. This will continue until 5 seconds before we sit down to take the exam. Once the the semester gets going, I hope that I am doing well enough in the class to relax a little more and not be so anxious 24/7. But for now, it is what it is and I am coping!